She wears hooker boots
to work
her dress is too short
and her hair is yellowish-white
like dirty cotton
you’ve seen her before
you turned back to look again
half in curiosity
half in doubt
that someone could look so wild
before 9am
but then,
that’s why they stand in line-
her customers at the bank-
they want to stare in heather’s heather eyes
and gawk at the flawlessness
of her makeup
give her points for execution,
if not for style
Women wonder how she got the job
and men wonder….
well, we already now
Heather
she’s got her nails done right
and she doesn’t take the subway
cause “Eww”
that ain’t her scene
she’s an easy queen
loved
hated
never ignored.
ha! oh lord, tell me thats not her name!
all true. sorry. suggestions on how to fix this one? the tone changes at the end and i don’t know which tone i like better…
what tone are you looking for? first person upset or detached and in awe? eye actually like the tone in the entire piece, EXCEPT for the 1st line. “hooker boots” sounds personal. she isnt as sexy as you. dont give her the satisfaction of personal commentary.
suggestion:
“well we already know
“shes got her nails done right
“and she doesnt take the subway
“cause ‘eww’
“that aint her scene
“heather
“loved
“hated
“never ignored”