Kansas for me

is a cobblestone path

into my past

a home i can never go to

a place where my Tin Man

is not married to

a woman who was once

my best friend

and now a stranger….

It takes no wizardry to know

I am a cheat

Because I chose you

over her

convinced myself

that I was loyal

because I never kissed you…

Ridiculous

It’s taken me almost 7 years

to realize that

maybe she was right

maybe i betrayed her….

Still I don’t know why I struggle

Why I fight my very nature

to be the person I am today

A cowardly lion who hides behind

the notion of enlightment

via the 101

a greener place to sulk

i suppose….

I should have been a writer

I should have told the truth

we should have considered

the possibility

when we had the chance…

but the girl you loved

isn’t me anymore

and Im not sure it’s her, either.

Let me be clear

I don’t want her life

If jealousy be the cause

Of this frustration

It is not the kind of envy

In which one longs to be

In the other’s shoes…

But that isn’t the point

The point is,

That it was always her

Perfect posture, perfect skin

Proud and fine

Like an Egyptian queen

Fearless attitude-

The kind that asks for everything

Expects twice as much

And offers you nothing…

Still, she has you

Despite the obvious obstacles

She throws your way

I have never been so bold

Or so cold

As she can be.

But I do not wish

To be her

I never have.

Because when she falls

To your arms at night

She can’t feel the

Those missing pieces…

Those parts of yourself

You cannot give her

She doesn’t even know

That they are there

And when I imagine

That empty spot

She doesn’t fill

It makes me fearful

For the sanction of marriage

This may be too honest

But at the moment

I fall to my lonely pillow

At night

I’m glad my name

Is Susan.

I remember

laughter

in a dark, smoky bar

Sure and steady comedy

from the deep voice

behind the mic

Eye Remember

the silk blouse eye wore-

cream lace on black

vintage

like the port

we use to drink

casually

and yet, with conviction

Eye remember

feeling like I floated

in and out

of a hazy place

where dark tannins

and a long, velvety finish

defined my moods

Eye remember you.