The Choice We Didn’t Make

Kansas for me

is a cobblestone path

into my past

a home i can never go to

a place where my Tin Man

is not married to

a woman who was once

my best friend

and now a stranger….

It takes no wizardry to know

I am a cheat

Because I chose you

over her

convinced myself

that I was loyal

because I never kissed you…

Ridiculous

It’s taken me almost 7 years

to realize that

maybe she was right

maybe i betrayed her….

Still I don’t know why I struggle

Why I fight my very nature

to be the person I am today

A cowardly lion who hides behind

the notion of enlightment

via the 101

a greener place to sulk

i suppose….

I should have been a writer

I should have told the truth

we should have considered

the possibility

when we had the chance…

but the girl you loved

isn’t me anymore

and Im not sure it’s her, either.

Possibility

Yellow

 

Lost in flow

Of notes

Of hazy expressions

Wordless gestures

Throughout senseless evenings

Star-lit

In the middle

Of a fucked up maze

Beyond our wasteful youth

And before our all-consuming

Self-inflicted

Life challenges

 

This place

Where left is a band

And right is a bar

You

I

We

Merlot

And

Possibility

 

I never kissed you

But I should have.

 

 

Milan

paint

don’t tell

your portraits-

striking women

baloon-like breasts

anatomically incorrect waists

the kind of indignate beauty

seen in video games

and comic books

made for boys

not for men…

but those depictions

where not

for you

 

we had a conversation

once

i asked you which was

more beautiful-

the male or female figure

you said you once thought

the latter

but then

you recently changed

your mind

 

an artist

an interesting perspective

ideologies

and philosophies

bubbling up over

your books

i admired your curiousity

and mused over

your secrecy

saw your delicate features

as decisively more stunning

than my own

your skin softer

your lips redder

wanting nothing more

than to be

inside

your head

 

never wanted to see

the portrait

you painted before me

the happiness you felt

in his company

the weekends

you spent

in Milan.

Everything’s Bullshit.

I listened to Angels and Airwaves today, and it reminded me what an ASSHOLE you are.

I hope that when you hear them, it reminds you what an asshole you are, too.

Always My Lover

we met

in what felt like

prime

though in my mind

i am always past it

and always looking back

two years on it

you were sophisticated

french

smiling with your eyes

i knew

i could trust you

and i say that

never

in reference to men

so here we are

friends

one year after

a one year relationship

and it is

with much definative clarity

that we were not meant

to be together

but we were meant

to meet

as much as being with you

was hell

being without you

in my life is, too

with moderate jealously

i look at you

in someone else’s path

someone “less than me”

as someone with you

will always be

in my eyes

it is nothing personal

it is just

the simple mark

we leave

on our mates

that never goes

so good luck

in your pursuits

but remember

you are always

my lover.

Dirt on Her Shoes

There was never a moment

When decency was NOT an option

The tax was never placed

On common friendship

It was always there

For free

 

Free

Funny the lack of value

That can be placed

On something as

Fundamental

As friendship…

 

A smart woman

A kind woman

A woman you can call

When you need advice

A listening ear

A woman who already knows

The weaknesses you try

To hide

And DOES NOT care

 

She was always there

For free

 

But she cannot bridge

The gap between

Lusty affections and respect–

The hole you fall in

When walking

From one bed to another

Making you a lower person

Every time you stumble,

Each pair of arms

A lesser truth

 

Rest assured

She will NOT be your friend

You have burned her

And matter cannot return

To its previous state

After such a change

 

Cowards walk this world alone

In aimless paths

And in her eyes

You now join them

 

Yesterday’s love

Today is nothing more

Than dirt on her shoes.

 

 

 

Dare You Deny Me?

Caught

too many times

by your staring eyes

caged bunny

i am

to be beneath you

your eyes

have lost me

carried me along

the sands

then left me

for the tide

i can’t abuse you

and it

KILLS ME

how can you

hold back an erection

like a rude thought

an offensive

vulgar

gesture

i CANNOT comprehend

how your hands

can recall

the softness

of my lengthy legs

and not long

to find their way

back-

between them

i so teased

by the angles

of your chin

against my neck

and the softness

of your young

yet skillful

hands

against my breast

cannot understand

with all my desires

all my abilities

all my previous successes

to mate

symmetric men

that YOU

would dare

deny me.

Bar Man

You could fit him

In a box

Really

Buy him at Safeway groceries

On your way

Home from work

Sweet

California made

Comes in one size:

Temporary

 

They don’t sell him

At Whole Foods

(Not organic enough)

And if you look

Very closely

On the date of purchase

You’ll notice

He expires

In about three months

 

So, you see,

Really

The indications

Are all right there

On the box

No false advertising

No added sugar

Plenty of artificial flavors

 

The perfect

Candy bar

Easy to unwrap

Melts in your mouth

Leaves you satisfied

(For a moment)

But leaves you

Just the same.

Comfort

Stained

Plum Lips

Picture them

As I feel

You panting

Against my neck

The sound

Of hunger

I know it well

Play it back

To you

As I turn around

Succumbing

And seducing

Strumming leg

Across your torso

Like a violin,

Music rising up

And holding

At crescendo—

Oh, the places

We’d go

With stringed metaphors—

Tell me,

 Who’s playing who?

 

Pocket

The moment

When honesty

Clutched your thigh

And massaged

My breast

When agonizing

Longing

Held up our sleep,

Two frustrated

Sliding bodies

Fighting

Fierce desires

To fit together

Without words

Or any need

For understanding…

 

Here now

In my banker’s suit

I’ll cache

Any possible truths.

 

 

Cannot Forget

morning stretch

outside my covers

long lean legs

i touch

my hand

to my inner thigh

pushing against

resistance

close my eyes

reveal to my pain

the memory

of those moments

you spent

here

where my hands

now lie

 

Gentle force

against me

lucid with lust

elevated by

a feeling

approaching love

and accumulating

in the lost

distance

between our

toned and trembling

bodies-

i a victim

to the aesthetic pleasure

of watching

you fuck me

 

This moment

passes

nearly every morning

and I

cannot forget.