To Bite You

 

 

Ripe plum-

Violet

Spotted

Sun-stained

Sweet

I trace slowly

The thin shield

That holds

Its succulent juices

From my lips

And all that desire it

 

I feel the delicate

Vulnerable curve

Of the soft fruit

Nature has grown

For me

To put to my mouth

On this day

I so parched

And undeserving

Can think of nothing

But to devourer

This fine plum

At its peak.

 

the old place

science

there is always that

one thing that stays

consistent

reliable

in his life

8 years

and I an acquaintance

or a stranger?

these halls of lab

i remember the orange-y,

chemical scent

the summer i spent

here with him

his first summer

in California

i felt so excited

and confused

like his life was taking off

and mine was

undetermined

i don’t think now

i ever knew

why he loved me

when i could never

offer all of myself

but my life is better

because once

he did love me

and now

we as friends

so many seasons gone by

still i see the past

as if it were

not broken

by space and time

for me

i am only ever here

when visiting him

but he is no longer

where i can reach him

never unkind

but never unfolding

friends because

i think he knows

i need it

need to hold on

to the memory

the idea

the moment in my life

where i held

the fullest potential

and let it go.

does he know?

when mornings waine

and i so tired

have no desire to tread the day

does he know

he keeps me going?

 

when i see his eyes

have lost their way

and pain has seeped

into his fair skin

does he know

i long to hold him?

 

when he speaks

of love–his fascinations

his philosophies

his understated desires

does he know

that i could be them?

 

and when he walks away

his mind always sailing

contemplating everything

but me

does he know

i love him?

On Being Susan

Let me be clear

I don’t want her life

If jealousy be the cause

Of this frustration

It is not the kind of envy

In which one longs to be

In the other’s shoes…

 

But that isn’t the point

The point is,

That it was always her

Perfect posture, perfect skin

Proud and fine

Like an Egyptian queen

Fearless attitude-

The kind that asks for everything

Expects twice as much

And offers you nothing…

Still, she has you

Despite the obvious obstacles

She throws your way

 

I have never been so bold

Or so cold

As she can be.

 

But I do not wish

To be her

I never have.

Because when she falls

To your arms at night

She can’t feel the

Those missing pieces…

Those parts of yourself

You cannot give her

She doesn’t even know

That they are there

And when I imagine

That empty spot

She doesn’t fill

It makes me fearful

For the sanction of marriage

 

This may be too honest

But at the moment

I fall to my lonely pillow

At night

I’m glad my name

Is Susan.

Validation

She swayed with ease

Not too bold

Not too sexy

Owned the room

But did not advertise

Did not bemuse the crowd

With her breasts

Or any of so many

Unsubtle ways

She wore sheer gloss

Didn’t paint her nails

Clinked lightly to

Her clear, bubbly cocktail

And perused

The eclectic scene

 

Seeking a mix

Of Clark Gable

And James Dean–

Someone who would

Approach her with confidence

Tell her what she needs

Then disappear

In slow, mysterious stride–

Leaving her to decide

Not to follow

 

The perfect ending

To a fleeting moment

 

Someone to remind her

She was everything

She intended to be—

The kind of woman

That draws you in

And plays you a new song

That follows you

Throughout your days

 

A woman that touches your soul

But never holds it….

 

Validation

She was everything

She intended to be.

The Hard Parts

There is no resolution

only foggy skies

no reason to shed a tear 

no reason to crack a smile

just muddle through the haze

try not to question things

that have no answer

try not to answer questions

that would make no change

to know

remember your feelings are your own

and let them go

walk outside yourself

5 minutes at a time

and find

that things are happening around you

not to you

and give it time

just give it time

 

Looking Glass

I consider myself

A restless romantic

A dreamy, sensitive soul

Someone who spins

A glance exchanged

Into a telepathic conversation

Whimsical, heart-pounding

Words

That could never be fully known

 

Love fascinates me

But it fascinates me

Like no man ever could!

So I keep on falling

In love with love

And failing at it

All the while

Too many places to find it

Or at least

Too many places to look

 

People who know me best

Already know this

They know my ability to paint

Pain as love

For the sake of art

They know my ability to

Seek out fascinating characters

For books

I never make the time to write

They know my need

For a thick, juicy plot

 

And so as I grow

Into this somewhat wiser

(Yet equally sexy)

Version of myself

I find a better ability

To step outside my

Method dating

Long enough to ask

Myself—

Is this for me

Or for my addiction?

 

The only problem is

I am not wise enough to know

If having the answer

Really changes anything!

 

 

 

Restraint

pulling

forcing

fighting

squirming

resisting

magnetic

urge

i will not let

these fingertips touch

what they cannot hold.

 

Objectified

First glance

No mistake

Of attaction

Only physical

Lingering desire

To mate

I call it

Simply science

Nothing special

Nothing I need

to act upon

 

But in a woman’s web

Lie many layers of affection–

You not in the middle

Lie somewhere in between

Someone I care for

Someone i do not love

But could have

 

I admit

Our moment for more

Seems lost

 

Still upon you

I look

With affection

Tender care

Than I cannot denounce

With lust

 

Do not take me

To that place

Or compartmentilize me

With all the others

I cannot bear

The thought

 

Though I know

The ways

Of your world

I cannot face it

With honest eyes

Cannot inflict

Upon my brain

The image of you

With another woman

Without the unjustified

Pang

Of Jealousy

 

Do not take me

To that place

Because I still believe

In love letters

I still believe

In poetry and song

Even if

It is not ours

To share

 

I still believe in

Possibilities

Things that don’t

Make sense

But happen

Beautifully

Effortlessly

 

And yet

With all my talk

Of erotic notions

I fear

I took you

To that place.

 

Eye Candy

see you

smile

damn your eyes

corners turned

fresh and blue

young yet

not too young

I question my hesitation

as much as my

desire

trace your cheeks

in my mind

the way your jaw

flexes as you chew

i’d like to be

the peice of meat

between your teeth

damn your smile

must you always

be in view

added tension by

the work space

that we occupy

the dread of the mundane

the flirtation used

to pass the time

the intentional brushes

along your side

I cannot not look

upon you

without the urge

to touch you

cannot see you

near a wall

without the passing thought

to push you

against it

and thrust myself

upon you

damn your effortless,

innocent charm

like a favored

neighborhood boy

who opens doors

and walks his dog

artsy

intellectual

kind

how i long

to find

a wild hunger

tucked away

deep inside.